IN THE STREET ONE DAY I SAW YOU AMONG THE CROWD;
It’s like the brief moments our paths crossed are being rotoscoped in my head:
I am walking with Dia. I have on a blue and white polka dot dress and my hair is more tame than usual. She is wearing a green dress and a beige bag, and sandals. The day is hot and the sun is going down. In a crowd of thousands, he suddenly appears before me, waiting in line to order a hot dog with sauerkraut on it.
"No, no, no, no, no, oh my God." My inner dialogue comes out.
Please Lord, not here, not now, not twice in one agonizing August.
But it was true. There he was— tight red t-shirt,face still freckled from vacation, hair silvering just behind his ears. Dia strode right up to him, and I cursed at her in Spanish.
”I hate you right now.” ,I murmured sweetly in Spanish.
"I don’t speak that gibberish."
"I know. I’ll tell you what I said in the car. "
"HEY!" he said, enthusiastically, as he turned around. "It’s good to see you!" A smile flashed up on his face, like a solar flare. I trembled inside.
I cannot remember our exact words, but I remember how our body language was. He was completely surprised to see us, especially Dia. They literally haven’t seen each other in years.
I remember drinking in every minute detail as we talked— his eyes,the joy lines that are forming grooves on his forehead , the rounded tip of his nose, the freckles dusting his cheeks and the back of his neck, the way his arms strained against that Coke-label-red shirt….
And I also remember the nervous tics he had as I stood next to him. I looked him in the eye and he looked down at his shoes. We departed, him more hastily than I.
"He wasn’t happy to see me." I lamented to her later.
"Oh, he was just surprised, Di. I’m sure he just wasn’t prepared, like you weren’t prepared three weeks ago."
I wish I had the courage to just have asked him if he and his friends ( for he was there with people from his Hall) wanted to join us for dinner. I realized later that would have been a terrible idea, for I spent my last just getting in the door.
Still, I looked for him in the crowd again and again, but I couldn’t find him. We were at Mayer Hawthorne’s latest concert here in Michigan. He must have been closer to the stage. I danced to the music and took Dia home promptly after. It was the prudent thing to do, for we had to sneak back in to the festival.
They wanted to see my ID and I couldn’t produce it because I left my wallet in the car.
I was put into a daze that I’m only just now emerging from, four days later.
Twice in one month, by complete coincidence?
I nearly didn’t go over there to say ‘hello’. If Dia wasn’t there, I would not have. I would have turned around on my heel and pretended I didn’t see him. Not because I don’t want to see him…. but because I do, so desperately.
I am an adult, but he is the only man that I have ever met that makes me tremble like a teenage girl.@1 year ago with 1 note
#personal #adulthood struggles #singleness #opposite sex #friends #Michigan #Arts Beats and Eats #Mayer Hawthorne #love #emotions