I TAKE A SMALL STEP/ NOW IT’S A GIANT STRIDE
"You are so cute when you sing in the car." he said to me, laughing. "I love it."
"I sing in the car a lot." I said sheepishly, blushing as red as the stoplight we were waiting on.
"I think it’s great." he replied, a big smile on his face. He paused and turned to the radio. "What song is this?"
“Midnight City by M83.” This was a bit of a test. M83 is my favourite band. If a man likes them too, he’s scored major points with me.
"I like this song." he said. "Waiting for a ride in the dark…" He sang in a husky, off-tone falsetto. I laughed and we sung the chorus to this song as we drove through our own midnight city. Orange lights bathed our face as we drove aimlessly down Michigan Avenue. We beamed at each other, and I felt accepted by a man for the first time.
With every other man, I have felt like I’ve had to apologize for who I am, even Sal Paradise. I’ve always held back every little bit of my heart. My emotions are like raging typhoons, but my face is the strongest levy. My iron will holds them back.
But with Dante, I don’t feel like I have to hide anything anymore. In fact, he is always encouraging me to express myself, to be wild, to dance badly, to hold hands with him in front of everybody, to say what is on my mind and in my heart. With Dante, I don’t need the levy. I can just be myself.
The last time we were together, we talked less about our lost ones and more about life in general, and what we both want out of it. He and I are so, so similar. Even our pains and aches are similar.
We went on a moonlit walk. There is a nice park near his house, and we swung on monkey bars and sighed about how gorgeous the night was underneath the big trees. I drove him back home. He hugged me and caressed my face before I left.
"Call when you get in."
We talked for an hour after that.
I keep having to tell myself that he is unavailable, and so am I. But I will not, I cannot,begrudge myself this happiness, even though this seems temporary. Even though the pull of our separate lives and our personal tragedies keeps this temporary, I do not regret not one moment I spend with him.
I was reading this article the other night that talked about what one might learn during their twenties. Number 16 on the list was:
"You’ll have moments with someone that are so intense, it’ll feel like you’ve been electrocuted back to life."
It’s only been three weeks since we’ve met again, but this is how I feel about Dante right now.
He has shocked me right back to life.@1 year ago with 3 notes
#adulthood struggles #opposite sex #personal #love